Betrayal Trauma

Meeting only their needs is not enough.

Something feels off, but we give it the benefit of the doubt. There seems to be a wall between you and your partner, and you don’t understand. When you walk into a room, you see the computer screen change, the phone swiped, and the air feels tense.

Disclosure of past offenses happens. Betrayal, lies, confusion, and so many other emotions flood simultaneously. The world seems to spin out of control, and you no longer feel the ground beneath you.

The foundation you thought was there now feels like a mirage. You lose control over your emotions. You suddenly react instead of responding and wonder, “What is happening to me?”

For a long time, you tried to have gratitude, find the good, give the benefit of the doubt, forgive and forget, and be selfless. You thought these were words to live by in relationships, and you mastered those skills by focusing on the good and ignoring the bad. You gave the benefit of the doubt even though your intuition screamed – and forgot yourself and met their needs. You forgave and moved on – again and again.

Your spouse appeared to use your willingness, coping skills, and positive attributes against you. Eventually, you ‘moved on’ into forgiveness and trust before your spouse showed any behavior change. You ignored your insights and convinced yourself that you were overreacting. Ultimately, you began to ignore your needs and forgot who you were.

Betrayal Trauma results from a violation of trust.

Betrayal occurs when someone we depend on for survival or that we are significantly attached to violates our trust in a critical way in which there is a loss of TRUST, SAFETY, or ATTACHMENT. This trauma can be caused by various actions such as infidelity, lies, deception, abuse, neglect, or broken promises. Betrayal trauma can show up in subtle ways, which we may not pick up on at first.

But when you know what to look for, you can better see the betrayal symptoms. The “5 H’s” of Betrayal are an excellent place to start looking. These include Hiding, Hating, Hugging, Hovering, and Hopelessness.

The betrayal shatters your sense of security and damages your ability to trust. Additionally, betrayal trauma can mirror the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

PTSD can occur anytime the mind attempts to process a traumatic event that surpasses the everyday or natural human experience, and Betrayal can exceed our limits.

Recovering from Betrayal Trauma requires adjustments.

Boundaries are essential to healing and recovery because they allow us to see what is ours and what is not. When you first set boundaries in an unhealthy relationship, you may hear something like, “You’re trying to control me.” However, what is truly happening is your partner is saying, “I am losing the control I used to have over you, and I am feeling the consequences of the lack of control I have over myself.”

The truth is that setting healthy boundaries is the only way we can truly love someone and ourselves. Trauma expert Ryan North said clearly, “Our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection. That is why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people.”

Start healing from Betrayal Trauma.

The mind and heart have a tremendous ability to heal.

As you begin recovery, you will find new boundaries, self-care, emotional awareness, and a support system that all lead you to experience healing and self-discovery.

You will find yourself again – vibrant and confident. Every layer of a trauma you shed will bring light into your heart. Once again, you will have joy in yourself and your life. You are worth it and ALWAYS have been.

As you work with us to overcome your traumas, your brain can again rewire for connection as it should be.

Don’t wait any longer. Call us today for a free 15-minute consultation and schedule your first appointment for your healing journey.